Force of Nature & A Dirty Little Secret

Today marks a full year since Luna died, and I'm going to tell you a dirty little secret about grief. I hoard it. I don't know if others do this, too, but I recently realized that to some degree I hold onto my heartache and sense of loss as if it were the last gossamer thread connecting me to her. I might not have my sweet girl anymore, but I have that sucking chasm of sorrow in my chest, and in it are her echoes. If I fill it in, I will no longer hear her. The pain keeps me close to her.

I never said grief was a logical process. 

Part of how I manage emotion is through my writing. Approaching this one year anniversary of Luna's death, I've been doing a little more of that. I've written before about what Luna meant to me and how her death has affected me. To fully address those thoughts, though, would require a full length book, and even that would fall short because one can never truly put in words the way a heart feels. 

Luna Petunia was a force of nature. She had her way of doing things and her opinions, and she was none too shy about sharing them. She was bossy and mouthy and loving and protective. And I miss her. 

"Force of Nature"

        An angry maw of destruction--
Rolling, Roiling Flood Water
        Cutting a swath through its claim.
Unrelenting Winds
        Riding mountainous steel gray storm clouds.
        Immovable toughness.

You, My Girl,
Were a Force of Nature.

The Undying Ember on a late December night.
First Plump Raindrops down a sun scorched face.
Rich Spring Soil snuggling a tender acorn.
Song of Autumn Breezes through curled oak leaves.

You, My Girl,
Were a Force of Nature.

Such is my Sorrow.

                                 --for my girl 04.10.18


My favorite picture of us.

My favorite picture of us.


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        Unless otherwise noted, all material--written, photographic, and artistic--is the original work of Estora Adams. All rights reserved.